She talks

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I Love writing in here, becuase although what i say is public, its kept private :) It's a shame how no-one seems to have any interest in english literature besides me LOL

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Imagine being graded on expressing your emotions on the changes you have to go through and how these changes have developed you as a person. Then somehow relate it to organisational change? What an odd thing to be graded on!

To tell you the truth, i have No Problem in expressing my feelings and pouring out my heart to a stranger, but i am not comfortable with what happens after that. Do you know why? Because i am going to have to EXPLAIN my feelings to my professor! Do i really want to be dicussing what goes on in my head and heart to my professor??? Hell no! Due to this freaky assignment, i am finding it hard to express my feelings because i know that im going to have to justify them later! erghhhhhhhhhh

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I don't know why, but i just crave fame

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Mentally, Physically and Emotionally… Exhausted

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I am glad that my Display Picture (DP) totally describes who I am, just incase i change anytime soon, it says "& she lies in the grass staring up at the sky, wondering what happened to her life." Totally, utterly describes yours truly xx

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I love the Oasis, but it saddens me that it lacks people you can communicate with properly by speaking english. Everyones' English simply seems like its 'going down the drain' EEEEEEEEEK!!! I need to communicate with someone in this language that mostly describes my feelings :s which i cannot as there is no one here whom i can do that with :( sad

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Imagine being graded on expressing your emotions on the changes you have to go through and how these changes have developed you as a person. Then somehow relate it to organisational change? What an odd thing to be graded on!
To tell you the truth, i have No Problem in expressing my feelings and pouring out my heart to a stranger, but i am not comfortable with what happens after that. Do you know why? Because i am going to have to EXPLAIN my feelings to my professor! Do i really want to be dicussing what goes on in my head and heart to my professor??? Hell no! Due to this freaky assignment, i am finding it hard to express my feelings because i know that im going to have to justify them later! erghhhhhhhhhh

Guess What?!
Tomorrow is the day that I have an appointment scheduled with my professor to pour my heart out. Am I ready? NO!. I still have not finished the unfinishable assignment as i somehow seem to get a headache everytime i try to do so :p anyhoo I really do hope i A-ce this bloody consultation even if i'm dreading it

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it seems that i have had 185 views, and forty people who apparantly read this. Weird! i haven't seem to have had any responses besides from two people.

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People who know me, know that when I listen to music, I only listen to ‘quality’ music. Why be sinned for something that is not worth being sinned for I always say?
Believe it or not, the genres of music that attract me are Opera, Celtic and Country.

Did your jaw drop yet?

I may sound like a 60 something year old, but the lyrics are everything.


A song dear to my heart
Reba McEntire & Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CswHrm8k-4U

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

---------------------------------------------------

It breaks my heart every time I listen to this song, remember above when I said the lyrics mean everything to me? Well, the lyrics here do.
It describes something sensitive I have personally been through ‘mentally’. When I say mentally I mean:
No I am not married. Therefore, I have not been beaten by my partner -
To make a point VERY clear, I have NEVER been beaten -
But,
Have I been struck down and beaten emotionally? Yes
Have I been through such a terrible friendship experience that literally felt like someone had whacked me a knuckle sandwich? Yes
Three years down the line am I still affected by it? Yes
The thing is, friendships end, end very very very badly, but memories last forever.
Do I want my memories to be erased? Yes

A quote from the lyrics:
“Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid”

That is the aftermath of leaving something so bad from the beginning too late.


Genuine Advice I received from a precious someone a few days ago:
“Never try fixing someone, advise them once, advise them twice, advise three times, if nothing happens, just leave. It is not your job to ‘fix’ this person, it is their job.”

Thank you very much for the most valuable advise, I just wish I could show you how valuable it is to me xx

I entered the friendship trying to fix, kept on trying to ‘fix’ the entire time. Now I know, that was wrong, everything was wrong from the beginning. We were never meant to be.

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My day was spent reading a research paper in the ironing room, its amazing how the sound of a washing machine can help you concentrate!










Note: Ive been trying to put a second post after my previous post, no not this one, another one which i need to copy-paste in here, but it won't publish :s i keep on getting an error page

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For the past few months i have been working and studying, the work part was mostly voluntary as i did not want to be paid for the job done. However, i had to leave a week ago on an unanounced break due to the overload of University Work. I have research papers coming out of my eyeballs, literally! Anyways, during my oh-so-boring class today, i was 'picked on' by my tutor to describe my experiences etc on my work experience *ya i acted like im still working:p*, i realised i REALLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY MISS WORKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ;_; really really miss it! let alone, i got a phone call from my colleagues today too

lol my mum always thinks that when i grow up im going to become a workaholic :p i never stop talking about work and i sometimes 'ditch uni' for work :p And all my friends think im weird, unlike them, my work and dreams are put ahead of finding a husband :p





Question:
Is it just me or is everyones final year at University extremely hard?? Do all of you get these disgusting, min 20pg long and extremely complicated articles/journals/research papers to read almost every single day of the week? Uni is not fun anymore

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Awaiting the birth of my friends baby girl any day now :) Im going to be an Auntie soon. I've been begging her baby to come out, i can't wait!!!! :D

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I'm currently busy, im working on a research paper literature review thats due this thursday which carries a huge chunk of my final grade. It is not as easy as it looks, we have to read a very long and detailed re-search paper, review it and provide arguments from other research papers. I haven't even finished reading, im starting to freak out.

Then, i have to read another research paper and answer the questions related to it, which is due tomorrow, although its not graded, but i prefer to just do it and avoid the unncessary drama that took place last week in class.


Is it fair to day im quite busy? I think so







wish me luck xx

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^

G.D luck sweety,,

am really enjoying reading ur dairies and ur talks here ...

Keep Going LOOL

BTW,,as a senior students it's almost the same with us !!!
WE've just to read, read and Keep reading authors researches !!

WIsh U a Best LUck :D
and Remind always that u can DO IT :D

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.Finally, Done